Hot Tea On A Rainy Day (A Series of Haikus)

Hot Tea on A Rainy Day (A Series of Haikus)

Life and Death Between Each Breath.

Dying flames wane like

Breath and spirits through the veil

Fluttering, fading

Cycles.

Smoke signals the end

Steam rises from your wet skin

Carrying the rain

Mudroom.

Each drip forms oceans

At the soles of worn work boots

Souls drown in their wake

Static Judgement.

Catalyst laced air

Thunder cracks when gods judge us

Lightning arcs within

Steep Stones.

A stone kettle screams

Brass cups clink outside the pot

Steeped leaves swirl inside

Overflow.

Now, begin to pour

Boil and churn; heat transforms

Floral scents nourish

The Calm Eye.

Respect the calm eye

Storms lash at their fathers

None are safe, not yet

No Friends, No Embrace.

Our swelling wood walls

Will not hold us long enough

Nature knows no friends

What to Do With Your Hands.

Repeat your mantras

Get your gods in your corners

Pretend it will help

Last Call for Oolong.

One day, we will die

The walls will fall, and the tea

Will become more rain

Hot Tea on a Rainy Day.

Rejoice in short life

Hot tea on a rainy day

Replenishes you

• I titled each of the haikus to add some cohesion between them, but also strengthen their effectiveness as individual pieces.
• First haiku- I wanted to liken the dying of a flame to the fragility of breath and ghosts, so I made the details more appropriate to convey the image; “Dying flames,” “Breathe and spirits,” “Fluttering, fading.”
• Second- I pushed the juxtaposition of smoke and steam more, implying that smoke is the product of things dying, “Smoke signals the end,” while steam carries life, like the water cycle, “Carrying the rain.”
• Third- The concrete image of water pooling at one’s feet feels more vivid with the addition of “Souls drown in the wake,” and it blends abstract concept with that concrete image.
• Fourth- I think the tension in this haiku is stronger with the line, “Thunder cracks when gods judge us.” It also creates a reference for the ninth haiku with the mention of the “gods,” and sets up the rest of the haikus to question the role of gods in nature. Are they the creators of nature, or nature itself?
• Fifth- I focused on the kettle, and the process of preparing the tea on both the part of the maker, and the kettle itself; “Brass cups clink outside the pot,” “Steeped leaves swirl inside.” I also think “scream” is better diction than “whistle” for the tension.
• Sixth- On a macro level, I think the piece is becoming about different forms of energy, and their role in life and death. I feel this haiku is very specific in action, and I wanted to abstract that a bit with, “heat transforms,” and bring back the “floral scents” concept from earlier that I cut with “fragrant liquids.” While this one seems to be the least flourished grouping, I think it conveys the concept in a simple fashion that haiku represents.
• Seventh- Personifying the storm and bringing “fathers” into the fray ties back in to the “gods of natural elements” angle. We consistently call things an “act of god,” when they’re usually related to weather or natural forces, so I want to question the validity of the statement. The “calm eye” refers to the peace of mind associated with drinking the tea, cautioning the reader about taking things like a good cup of tea for granted.
• Eighth- I think the idea of the small house in the middle of a storm is a good metaphorical vehicle for the tenor of reiterating the fragility of nature/energy. I also like to think of the house as symbolic of our bodies, and that our “swelling wood walls will not hold us long enough.” I tried emphasizing the fact that we’re never truly safe from either nature or death by adding some finality with the line, “Nature knows no friends.”
• Ninth- This is the climax of the “gods” train of thought, and I feel that it turns the entire process of having the cup of tea into a metaphor for prayer and faith. It’s important to “respect the calm eye,” because it gives us a sense of ease for a moment, but we’re all “repeating our mantras,” so we can “pretend it will help.” (I struggled with replacing the “Get your gods in your corners” line, but it felt very unique to me as a writer, and I think it really conveys the point I’m trying to make in that the faith system is just like the support of the coach to a boxer. The boxer is still the one that has to win the fight, but some people find it easier when someone is spiritually backing them up.)
• Tenth- I find this haiku to be the climax of the second part of the interwoven narrative, where death is related back to nature and the water cycle. The sort of meta-character who “carries the rain” into the house is actually someone being born. The water cycle represents life, and we’re “nourished” by the tea. When the “walls fall,” signifying our bodies being destroyed, we run out of tea (life), the cup is filled with rain, and we are given back to the water cycle to “become more rain.”
• Eleventh- I tried to keep this haiku relatively similar. Concluding with a more direct statement about the connection between tea and life in the broader piece, I switched “respite” to “short life.” The “regrow your soul” line was a hard one to throw away, but it seemed to be including too many conflicting abstract concepts, so I changed it to “Hot tea on rainy days// Replenishes you.” It just felt like better diction for the concept.